I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
