Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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