I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
