when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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