Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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