i permit you to call me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
