She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
