don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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