i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
