Please, let me fuck your mom
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
