I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This baby is an asshole
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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