worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
