He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
