Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
