i will never coherently bang her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
