did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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