I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
