Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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