my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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