random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
