i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
