its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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