If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
