please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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