Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
