i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
