Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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