just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and she was petting her beer can
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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