i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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