I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize