One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize