State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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