The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
