You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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