Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
