Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize