There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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