You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
