meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I want is dick and wine.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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