Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
