so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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