I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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