I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize