Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
