I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
