Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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