so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think people are normalizing furries
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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