apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
