Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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