he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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