anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
