just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
