All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
