you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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