i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
