I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
