i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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