She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize