She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
