My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
from now on my penis is your penis
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
