Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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