Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
