Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
