"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
