Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
