look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
