dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
