a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
