the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
