its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
