Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
