apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
