WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
