Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
