We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
