My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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