let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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