I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
